There should be a parenting class in your community, or within driving distance, which is devoted to educating parents who are separating or divorcing. The program in the Syracuse area which addresses this issue is called Children 1st! and it is administered by the Mental Health Association of Onondaga County.

Classes run between four and eight hours long and are taught on Saturdays or several evenings during the week. Your co-parent would attend a different class from the one which you attend so that you will feel comfortable asking questions. The classes are taught by two mental health professionals and an experienced Family Law attorney. It is a wonderful opportunity to begin to understand how the separation is affecting your children and yourself and to learn ways that you can minimize the negative impact. The fee for the classes varies, but is on a sliding scale including the option of no payment at all, depending on your financial situation.

A sampling of the principles recommended in this program are the following: Children need both parents. Children need to be assured that it is not their fault that their parents are separating. They need to be told that they are loved by both parents, even though their parents have stopped loving each other. When you denigrate the other parent to the child, you are hurting the child because that child has a loving relationship with that parent which must be encouraged. Do not use the children to carry messages or deliver child support checks.

Where the relationship includes domestic violence, the program is inappropriate because it encourages cooperative parenting which is not recommended for such couples.

Reactions from past participants is overwhelmingly favorable, including frequent comments that the program should be mandatory.

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